Family meals ought to be a time for family members to connect and forge a closer relationship. If you’re a parent of a picky eater, however, you may understandably dread the mere thought of family meals. You may find yourself becoming an exceptional short order cook, bribing your child to eat, arguing over what’s being served, or even suddenly realizing you’re on a first name basis with the pizza delivery person. To help parents and caregivers feel more competent in managing their picky eater, I’ve assembled a laundry list of recommendations. You will notice that some of the recommendations on the list may contradict each other. This is because there is often no singular solution, and parents are wise to find an individualized combination of strategies that work for them.
Rule out an Underlying Medical or Psychological Condition
Before approaching this as mere picky eating in your child, ensure there is nothing more at play. Especially if you have an older child (i.e., older than five) who seems become a picky eater out of the blue, it is wise to first consult with your pediatrician to rule out a medical condition. I also advise consulting with a pediatric psychologist to rule out the presence of an eating disorder such as avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) or another psychological condition that may be contributing to picky eating. As an example, children who develop a fear of vomiting (i.e., emetophobia) will often restrict their food intake out of fear of vomiting. In this case, the core issue is fear of vomiting and not food selectivity.
Check out the Satter Method
A google search on “tips for helping a picky eater” will yield millions of results. Unfortunately, given the high prevalence of picky eating in children, you will find many unsupported “cures” or bogus treatments online. While there is no cure for picky eating, the Satter Method has amassed the most scientific support (www.ellynsatterinstitute.org). Developed by dietician and family therapist, Ellyn Satter, The Satter Method recommends that caregivers establish a clear division of responsibility for meals. Specifically, parents oversee when the family eats and what is being served. The child, however, decides which foods and how much of those foods are eaten. Satter also advises parents to limit snacking in their children, have a consistent mealtime, and introduce novel foods repeatedly.
The “Clean Plate” Club is a Dangerous Club
If you grew up any time in the latter half of the 20th century, your parents may have encouraged you to join the coveted “clean plate club” by finishing all the food on your plate. We now know that encouraging children to “clean their plates” is unhelpful and has even been linked to disordered eating in adulthood (Puhl & Schwartz, 2003). Instead, empowering children to make their own choices about what they choose to eat during meals, with parents in charge of what is being served, may be more helpful in the long term.
Never Coerce
Coercing a child to eat is unlikely to be helpful, especially in the long term. A picky eater already has a naturally aversive stance toward mealtime. Compelling a child to eat through threats of punishment will likely only add to their negative attitude toward family meals.
Focus on Simple Exposures to New Foods
Say I’m working with a child who absolutely cannot stand the sight, smell, or taste of vegetables. I may advise the parent to start by placing a bowl of vegetables a foot from the child’s plate and emphasize to your child it is up to them whether to eat any. After a few days, the parent can move the bowl a little closer to their child’s plate. Eventually, the parent will gently ask if they can place one vegetable on the child’s plate (again, while making it clear the child does not have to eat it). Research shows that repeated exposure to new foods without pressure to eat the food is likely to increase the child’s willingness to try new foods over time.
Have Children Help Plan Menu’s
The more a picky eater feels like they have some control, the more willing they are to try new foods. It can be helpful to have children assist in planning meals. This collaborative process gives children a chance to advocate for foods they prefer, while also choosing which novel or non-preferred foods go on the weekly menu.
Establish Fun Mealtime Traditions
As mentioned above, mealtime with a picky eater is often anything but fun. It is important for parents to take the focus off whether their child will eat. Instead, parents can make mealtime more enjoyable by establishing certain traditions. For example, a family could go around the table to see who can tell the corniest joke or perhaps each member could share one funny thing that happened during their day.
Focus on ‘Bravery’ instead of Eating Behavior
Perhaps you have had the experience when your child finally musters up the courage to take a bite of a less preferred food. However, just as you are about to leap from the table with joy, she spits it right out. I encourage parents to see this as a huge victory instead of a failure. A child should be praised not when he eats a new food, but for anytime he is brave enough to even try a new food (yes, even if it is spat out). In the example above, I may respond to the child spitting out the food by exclaiming, ‘awesome job! You were super brave to try it!’
Try the Ratio Approach
For those who do not find the Satter Method (see above) to be successful, the “ratio approach” may be a viable backup option. This approach involves serving your child a fixed ratio of preferred foods versus novel and less preferred foods. At first, the ratio is heavily skewed in favor of preferred foods. Little by little, however, over the course of weeks the child is served a higher ratio of novel or less preferred foods.
Limit Beverages Before Mealtime
Consumption of beverages, especially those high in sugar content, can temporarily suppress appetite. Therefore, it can be helpful for parents to limit their child’s consumption of beverages (not including water) one hour before mealtime.
Finally, Do Not Fret!
I’ve yet to come across any research that suggests mere picky eating will have any long-term psychological ramifications. Some children may grow out of it, while others may always have a high level of food selectivity. A child’s picky eating habits can make parents want to pull their hair out, but it certainly will not keep your children from growing to live a happy and meaningful life.
