In 1993, a book titled “Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes” hit the shelves of bookstores across America. Author and psychologist Dr. Alfie Kohn argued that using rewards to help a child change unhealthy or disruptive behaviors is not only ineffective, but harmful to a child’s development. He essentially argues that rewards make children lazy, unmotivated, and diminish intrinsic motivation. Kohn’s book became an instant hit. Parents, teachers, coaches, pediatricians and even child psychologists ate it up. Some schools, in response to Kohn’s book, went so far to pivot away from standard grading systems in favor of a more collaborative approach. To Kohn’s credit, he did provide a few good points and the book itself is an engaging read. But there was one big problem with his work. Kohn oversimplified and, in some cases, completely ignored much of the science regarding children and rewards. He relied instead on a blend of anecdotal evidence and a questionable interpretation of the research. In other words, he was wrong…partly.
Although the sentiment against using rewards has waned, it is still common to find both professionals and lay persons unequivocally against using rewards with children. As I’ll explain, I see this extreme view as a problem. Whether or not rewards work with children is a complicated question with an equally complicated answer. To unpack this, it is best to first understand what the operative word “work” means. Typically, if rewards “work,” a child achieves a positive, enduring change in their behavior. So the question becomes, can rewards change behavior? The short answer: yes, but only under certain conditions.
Before I explain what conditions are necessary for rewards to work, it is worth identifying how rewards can fail. Say a mother rewards her nine-year-old son Max every time he reads for 30 minutes. But say Max already loves to read and regularly devours multiple books a month. In this case, using a reward may actually decrease Max’s intrinsic motivation to read. If a child is already intrinsically motivated to do something, rewarding that behavior may actually decrease its frequency (we are not sure why this happens). Rewards are also not usually effective in the following situation: a 13-year-old girl is rewarded every time she completes a chore such as taking out the trash or cleaning up the dog poop in the back yard. In this case, using rewards may motivate her to do such chores in short-term. But once her parent(s) stops providing the reward, she will likely stop doing the chores. Why? Because unless she loves the smell of trash or is weirdly obsessed with canine fecal matter, there is nothing intrinsically motivating about doing such chores. Of course, I have no problem with parents making chores an expectation for children, but this often leads to many battles (that’s another story).
Rewards are more effective when they help a child come into contact with intrinsic motivators for a particular behavior. As an example, say 10-year-old Miguel has a pattern of bullying his younger sister, Sofia. In this case, rewarding Miguel for having kind interactions with his sister will help him see how different his life is when he treats his sister with kindness. His sister will likely, in turn, be kinder to him. She will be more likely to share. He will have more fun interacting with her. And most importantly, Miguel will feel prideful for being a good big brother and a leader to Sofia. Put simply, rewards only work when they help a child come into contact, for a sustained period of time, with what is intrinsically motivating about a behavior. In such cases, the positive behaviors are likely to continue when the rewards are faded out.
All that to say, using rewards is more complicated than it sounds. There are many nuances and pitfalls to creating a successful reward system, especially when it comes to influencing the behavior of another human being! Detailing the entire nitty gritty of a reward system is beyond what I can accomplish in this article. However, there are a few important things to keep in mind. First, rewards tend to work best when they are designed to increase the opposite of a frequently occurring negative behavior (e.g., a child with frequent oppositional behavior is rewarded for compliance). Next, I recommend using rewards for a narrow set of highly specific and clearly defined behaviors (e.g., complying with first request, positive interactions with sibling, coming home on time for curfew, etc.). Lastly, particularly for younger children it is best to use what psychologists call a “token economy.” This is when a child can earn points for exhibiting the defined behaviors and then exchange those points for something tangible from a list of agreed upon reward options.
Finally, while a carefully designed reward system has its utility, rewards are not everything. After all, a child is human, not a dog. For rewards to truly help a child, a strong relationship between the parent and child must first be in place. Similar to consequences, rewards only work when they are embedded within a caring, nurturing and warm parent-child relationship.
