As a clinical child psychologist, I will often joke with parents, “if schools got rid of homework your life may be easier, but I would be out of a job!” On a good day, I’ll get a courtesy chuckle in return. Unfortunately, my lame joke is not far from the truth. Homework is often a contentious area in many parent-child relationships. Oftentimes, a child will shrivel at the mere utterance of the word “homework” from a parent. The days of parents bonding with their child over helping them solve a difficult math problem are long gone. Instead, parents are more likely to become the “homework police,” ensuring that all assigned homework is completed. This dynamic can easily lead to a vicious cycle of arguing, yelling, and deception.
At this point, you may be wondering whether the academic benefits of homework are worth the negative toll it can have on the relationship with your child. While it’s a fair question, we are wise to accept that, for now, homework is here to stay. Fortunately, there are ways to make homework less of a battle between you and your child. Combining my own clinical experience with the available research, I have assembled a list of five things parents can do to make the process of homework smoother.
1.) Focus on the journey instead of the outcome
Your end goal is simple: get your child to do their homework independently. Pretty ambitious, huh? For many families, it’s a distant dream. However, rather than focusing on this end goal, I recommend focusing on the variables go that into the journey of completing homework. In other words, what specific habits does your child need to develop to make completing homework more automatic? For example, having your child keep a daily assignment tracker will help them simplify what they must do for homework. The next three points describe three other habits that will make it easier for your child to complete homework.
2.) Designate a specific homework spot
There’s a theory in the field of clinical psychology called stimulus control. The idea is that certain environments (i.e., stimuli) produce certain behaviors. For example, a child’s bedroom with a blaring TV, an Xbox, and a fish tank is probably not going to be conducive for homework completion. However, a quiet area that is free from distractions is more likely to spur homework completion. I advise parents to allocate a specific spot at home that is to be used only for homework. The “only” part is critical. We want children to associate homework, and only homework, with their designated location. The homework spot should also be relatively free from distraction. This means a child’s bedroom usually is not an optimal spot. Regardless of where you and your child choose, the most important part is that it remains a consistent designated homework spot.
3.) Set a designated homework time
Have you ever asked your child to do their homework and they reply flippantly that they will “do it later”? For most children, however, “later” never comes. Counter this by having an agreed upon homework time. This helps set a clear expectation that homework is to be done during a specified timeframe. I recommend parents select a specific two-hour interval when their child is expected to be at the homework spot. Although this may not be feasible for most family schedules, I strongly advise having the same two-hour interval every day. Now, this does not mean your child has to do homework every day for two hours. If they finish before the window is over and you can verify it, that’s fair game. On the contrary, when there is a pattern of dishonesty about homework, I recommend parents establish a system whereby they can verify with the school what the assigned homework is.
4.) Break the forest into trees
A child’s “laziness” is often not the main culprit for incomplete homework. Anxiety and stress sensitivity can often be a powerful barrier toward homework completion. Children sometimes view their workload as an insurmountable forest. If a child sees homework through this lens, it’s hard to blame them for avoiding it. Children and adolescents need help breaking this forest down into manageable trees. To do this, you can help your child formulate a daily homework plan. For example, let’s assume your child has a math assignment to complete and a history test to study for. A plan may consist of the following: 1.) Spend 30 minutes completing first half of math assignment, 2.) spend 30 minutes studying for history test, 3.) take 5-minute break, and 4.) spend 30 minutes completing second half of math assignment, and 5.) use remaining time to continue studying for history test. Children, especially younger ones, may need help formulating a daily homework plan and breaking down big projects into manageable steps.
5.) Create a homework contract
At this point, you may be wondering how you are ever going to get your child to do things like carry an assignment tracker or make a daily homework plan. Creating a homework contract helps provide incentives for your child to do all these things. A homework contract consists of daily “target behaviors” such as the ones described above like bringing home a completed daily assignment tracker, doing homework during specific time, going to the homework spot, and making a daily homework plan. The contract includes rewards and privileges that your child can earn on the weekend if they complete the target behaviors during the week. While you may be skeptical to use rewards, remember that rewards are a temporary measure to help your child recognize the intrinsic value of these habits.
Finally, to all the parents out there reading this: please do not blame yourself for your child’s homework struggles. There are many, many variables that explain a child’s struggle in this area, and almost none of them have to do with you. As hard as it may be, I recommend seeing yourself as less a part of the problem and more a part of the solution.
